


What if

by little_miss_chaos



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Iron Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Drinking, Grieving, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Human Jarvis (Iron Man movies), POV JARVIS, Tony Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Feels, the Starks' funeral
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 21:58:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6257485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_miss_chaos/pseuds/little_miss_chaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his parents' funeral Tony finally lets himself think about their car accident. When Jarvis tries to comfort him and mentions a peculiar detail in the process that Tony hadn't seen before he leaps straight at it trying to find out what his parents' accident really was about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What if

**Author's Note:**

> basically this is a one-shot full of Tony feels after his parents' car accident, drinking and trying to come up with a coping strategy

"Do you think he crashed the car on purpose?"

Tony was drunk. Jarvis could not only hear it in his voice, but also smell it on him. God knows where he got hold of the strong stuff. At least he seemed to have stopped drinking a while ago if the bottle of water by his side was any indication.

Still, Jarvis was lost for words, for an answer to Tony's question. 

It was the day after the funeral, 26 days after the accident and after a horrible Christmas and an even worse start into the new year. Tony had been drunk for the better part of the last month, drowning his grief at parties in alcohol and sex. And when he wasn't Jarvis couldn't get him out of his room, most of the times not even out of his own bed due to the hangover. Apparently today was one of the better days when Tony was in the sitting room, drinking water above all. Maybe the funeral had given him the push he needed.

Tony stopped staring wholes into the wall above the chimney and focused his gaze on Jarvis instead. Apparently Jarvis had stayed silent for too long.

"Do you think he- that he would have- with Mom and-" Tony closed his eyes and grabbed for the bottle. Jarvis heard him sob even though Tony tried to cover it with a snort.

"The police-"

" _Fuck_ the police! They know nothing about dear old Dad." He whiped his face erratically and took a sip of water (at least Jarvis hoped it was still water and Tony hadn't replaced it with vodka). "No, the police may call it an accident, but- Howard could've run the car deliberately full tilt into a tree, for all we know."

Jarvis tried to get a word in Tony's rumble, but the young Master Stark didn't let him.

"I wouldn't put it past him. But I-" Tony cut himself off with a whimper and more tears as he buried his face in the couch cushions.

Jarvis was by Tony's side in a second and Tony clung to him and the pillows like a lifeline. They sat like that for a long time, Jarvis comforting Tony stroking his back soothingly and Tony silently crying into his shoulder.

"I think" Jarvis started to talk slowly when he thought Tony was ready for it, "your father had many faults, one of them that he maybe wasn't the father that he could have been, but... he did not do this on purpose. He wouldn’t leave Stark Industries" Tony snorted in between Jarvis' explanations, "or _you_ behind just like that. In fact I think he didn't do anything at all."

Tony snorted again. Then after a short silence he spoke up again. "What do you mean he didn't do anything at all?" He lifted his head to look at Jarvis and sniffed.

"Well," Jarvis shrugged, "the car he was driving-"

"The Cadillac." Tony chimed in.

"Yes," Jarvis nodded, "the Cadillac."

"What about it?" Tony wanted to know.

With a small, sad smile Jarvis said to him, "It wasn't one of his cars."

Tony sat up straight on the sofa. "You mean-"

"I don't mean anything. I am simply saying that at least it wasn't your father's fault if the car wasn't working like it was supposed to do. If that is any consolation."

Tony sighed, eyeing the wall again for some seconds. Then he nodded slowly. "Doesn't seem much, but it's something we can work with." A small smile played around Tony's lips when he looked at his butler and friend. "Thanks, Jarvis."

Jarvis seemed puzzled instead. "I'm sorry, Sir, did you say ' _we'_ will be working on something? And on what if I may ask?"

"Jarvis, Jarvis," Tony tsked, "we will find out what happened to my parents of course."

With new found vigor Tony got off the sofa and rubbed his hands over his face one more time to clear his head. Then he grabbed his bottle of water (Jarvis still hoped it actually was water) and sauntered off towards his room.

"But Sir-" Jarvis tried to interrupt Tony's apparently firing thoughts.

"I'll start right away on the plan!" the young master Stark exclaimed just before he was out of Jarvis' sight.

Now it was Jarvis' turn to stare off into space and ask the empty room, "Oh Lord. What have I done?"

All he had _wanted_ to do was comfort the boy. Not get him to try and follow some nonsense leads that only may perhaps lead to some closure for him.

Sighing heavily Jarvis got off the sofa and made his way to the kitchen. He knew by first-hand experience that once Tony got his mind set on something he wouldn't budge. He also wouldn't stop until he passed out from exhaustion or found what he was looking for. And Jarvis knew the young man wouldn't find anything. Because Mr. and Mrs. Starks' deaths were nothing but an accident and Tony would come to the same conclusion sooner or later. In Tony's case most likely later.

And that would mean that it was as of now Jarvis' job to take care of his young master's most basic needs like food and sleep.

 

Nearly thirteen hours later Jarvis had - as expected - still not seen Tony, even though it was now well past midnight. Wearily Jarvis made his way to Tony's room with a plate of food. After knocking and not receiving an answer Jarvis went straight in, concerned. The prior month he'd at least received an angry comment about entering, but this time there was nothing. Jarvis looked around the room cautiously, he knew after all what Tony could have in store for unwelcome visitors. But the butler couldn't find anything, no booby traps and no Tony. Jarvis frowned. Where could Tony be at this time of night? He hadn't left, he'd have had to get past Jarvis on the first floor then at some point. And if he wasn't out at a club then-

Tony wouldn't let it go. Sighing Jarvis retreated from the room and slowly made his way to the manor's garage. The only other place besides his room Tony would be in his state would be the garage, Tony's private refuge, even though he'd probably never admit that. It contained, Jarvis knew, some of the happier memories of the Stark men. Working on engines and on cars in general always had been a hobby they'd shared. Strangely it was the only thing that had connected them in the end.

Carefully Jarvis opened the door to the garage and sure enough Tony was elbow deep in one of the cars' engines. Jarvis watched his protégé work for a little while. Noticed the way Tony clearly was somewhere else in his mind, but still had enough thought to not blow anything up (don't look like that, things had happened from less conspicuous circumstances). How Tony worked with the different wrenches, knew just what tool to use as if the machine was talking to him. How his breath hitched from time to time when something didn't go as he wanted it to.

It made a small smile appear on Jarvis's face. Taking a deep breath he steeled himself for the potential wrath he might face disturbing Tony in his tinkering.

He made enough noise that Tony couldn't possible not hear him. He still seemed surprised when Jarvis touched his arm lightly, as if waking up from a very realistic daydream.

"You need to eat something." Jarvis practically shoved the plate in Tony's face, and continued doing so when Tony tried to refuse the offer. In the end Tony sighed, sat back on a toolbox and took the ' _blasted plate, you're just trying to make me fat'._

Chewing on the food slowly, Tony again seemed to slip into his daydream. Jarvis stood by his side nevertheless waiting for Tony to finish up. At least his conscience would be a little lighter even though Jarvis knew it still would take some time for Tony to be alright again.

Which was why Jarvis was even more surprised when Tony spoke up out of the blue.

"I won't find anything, will I, Jarvis?"

It was just a whisper but it was still loud enough in the garage to seem like Tony had shouted.

Carefully Jarvis took a seat next to Tony who even scooted a little bit over to make room. Then at a loss for an answer to that question Jarvis sighed heavily.

"I had thought it comforting for you, Sir, to have another possibility for what happened. Even I thought it possible in the beginning. It wasn't Master Stark's car, it could have been manipulated. It wouldn't have happened if he had driven one of his own cars that day - maybe."

Jarvis paused to let Tony think about it, to let it sink in. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Tony wiping his face with his sleeve, clearly to disguise the tears that had made their way down his cheeks.

"But," Jarvis then slowly continued, "it's only just a comfort. It simply was an accident, nothing and no one could have prevented it. Although we want to believe that we could have. We try to understand accidents. Try to find someone who could be blamed for it. To give it a meaning, even if it's a terrible one. But the sad truth is: we couldn't have foreseen it. We couldn't do anything because we didn't know it would happen."

Tony sobbed into the empty space of the garage and Jarvis took the opportunity to put his arm around the boy's shoulder. He desperately tried to stifle and as that failed to hide his sobs, but Jarvis just tightened his grip around Tony who then took it gratefully.

"I'm sorry, Tony," Jarvis murmured into his hair, "I am truly sorry."

After a while Tony tried to escape the embrace and Jarvis let him flee the garage without asking where he was going. He wanted to protect his young master, but some things the boy had to sort out for himself. At least for a little while.

Suddenly, sitting on a toolbox in the Stark garage, Jarvis felt old and tired. With a groan he got up and made his way back to the main house. As he passed the car Tony had been working on earlier, his steps faltered and his breath caught in his throat in surprise.

It was a Cadillac.

Whatever that meant for Tony it meant _something_. Remembrance, if nothing else.

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked it, leave kudos or a comment, it's what we writers crave ;)  
> thank you for reading!


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